I have two girls, as you already know if this isn’t your first time reading here. They are four and seven and they play with dolls and dinosaurs, blocks and puppets, and they love the cartoons on Playhouse Disney. Every once in awhile my seven-year-old says or does something that is a clear reminder she’s in school and influenced by those who are older than she is; sometimes my four-year-old says or does something that she’s learned from a sister who is three years older than she is.
Overall though, my girls are girls. They aren’t acting like tweens or teen or tiny little adults. They’re girls, they’re kids, they’re children.
But GOD FORBID the world should ever let kids be kids. And as soon as I type and post this I think I’m going to talk my oldest into taking down the one remaining Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana poster she has up in her room and replacing it with something else. Because at this point I don’t think I want anything in our home that is in any way, shape, or form related to the name “Cyrus”.
Aside from doing that, I wish I could go grab Miley’s parents by the shoulders and give each of them a good shake while shrieking, “Billy Ray! Tish! LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU MORONS!”
No, this time it’s not about Miley. Miley’s kind of off my radar ever since her pole dancing at the VMAs and when I saw her at the Grammys she was dressed pretty appropriately for her age instead of an oversexed 16-year-old made to look like she’s 25.
It’s her sister, Noah. Who is NINE. Noah has already been seen on video doing pole dancing of her own (her sister does it, so it must be cool!). She’s also been seen on YouTube singing “Smack That” while slapping her own ass. Did I mention she’s nine?
Anyway, as if that weren’t all appalling enough, Noah and her equally young friend Erica are going to promote and model for a children’s lingerie line.
Can you let that sink in for a second? A lingerie line. Designed for kids. KIDS IN LINGERIE. Pardon my potty mouth but what the fuck? Who EVER sat in a board meeting and uttered the words, “A line of lingerie designed for pre-pubescent girls, that sounds awesome!”?
The Emily Grace Collection is described as such:
“ [The line has a] trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel, reminiscent of Emily’s true personality. She is collaborating with Ooh! La, La! Couture designers to create versatile styles that can be worn with sweet ballerina slippers, funky sneakers or paired with lace stockings and boots for more of a rock and roll look. Emily’s collection will appeal not just to little girls – the line also has an exclusive Teen Collection available to a size 14.”
Lace stockings and boots? For kids? REALLY?
Check this out, this is Emily and Noah talking to Noah about the line:
LOVE that Emily is wearing fishnets and leopard print. Because that totally screams “little girl” except not. I’ve seen someone wearing leopard print dresses with fishnets before. She was standing on a corner outside Burger King waiting for some guy named “John” if you get what I’m saying and I think you do.
Why do we live in a world where people think it’s okay to make thongs and lingerie for kids and reward little girls for acting like they’re 20 years old? Why are there shows about creating some sort of phony “perfect” pageant girl? It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not charming. It’s disgusting and dangerous and immoral.
I can’t wait until school lets out this afternoon so I can sit on the floor with my kids and put on a puppet show. You know, things that kids are supposed to do.