It’s so strange that it’s New Year’s Eve already and that we’re not only starting a new year very soon but a whole new decade. I don’t know where the time has gone. Isn’t it weird how time seems to speed up the older you get?
I was going to do a retrospective but really I don’t need to. For me one of the best parts of 2009 was going to Halifax for three weeks. Halifax is my dream home, the place I’ve wanted to live since I was just transitioning into my third trimester with my now-seven-year-old daughter. Being there for three weeks was bittersweet because it made it even harder to leave in some ways but I’m so glad we got to go. Seeing my sister, being in her wedding, spending time with George’s family, touching the ocean again, it was all amazing.
Other than that, one of my biggest feats of 2009 has been to beat down the panic attack issues that I have. They’re still there, I still get them on a regular basis, and I’ve explained before what it feels like to go through one. No matter how many I have, no matter how rational I try to be, they’re still as scary each time as the first time.
However, this fall I made a choice to try very hard to not let it control my life. I stepped way outside of my normal comfort zones by joining the PPO at Hayley’s school and becoming a part of the Governing Board. I’ve participated in Movie Night, the toy sale, Terry Fox Day, Pizza Day, Bread Drive, attended assemblies, and gone to a Governing Board workshop. I’ve also become a volunteer for the Breakfast Club, arriving there at dark o’clock to make sure all kids have a chance at a healthy and filling breakfast.
It’s not perfect. People probably can’t tell to look at me but I’ve had the odd mild panic in the midst of some of those things, but between the Rescue Remedy I carry with me at all times (hell, I even carried it inside my bouquet in my sister’s wedding), conversations with the Big Guy upstairs (so to speak) and sheer determination I fought it down and won.
It will probably never go away completely but I’m proud of myself for refusing to let it win all the time.
Overall, 2009 could have been better but it sure as hell could have been a lot worse. I’m not sad to see it go but I’m eager to see what 2010 has in store. Hopefully good things. Maybe a winning lottery ticket. I promise to donate a ton of it to charity if I win a big one.
I know people scoff at resolutions, and of course you should make them at any time that you feel a need to change your life for the better instead of just at the flip of a new calendar, but I’m the person who always makes resolutions. It’s a compulsion of some sort and I’m unapologetic about it. None of my resolutions are massive lifestyle changes anyway. Sometimes I keep them and sometimes I don’t but it’s a good way to check into what I need to focus on.
For 2010, in no particular order:
1. Start figuring out a plan to get to Halifax. Not just a vacation, figuring out a plan to GET TO Halifax. It’s been over seven years after all, it’s time.
2. Balance out work a bit better. Working from home is all wonderful and delightful but I need a better way to balance work, home, and life.
3. Learn more about photography. The fact that I’m now writing over here regularly and over at DPS occasionally (I don’t think I ever mentioned that I wrote a post about cold weather photography at DPS) means that I have a good reason to push myself to learn and share those lessons with others. This year I went through a weird slump where I just had no desire to take any pictures, not even snapshots, and it was frustrating but I know now that it goes away eventually. I love taking pictures and want to keep getting better.
4. Tell stories. Somehow this blog has become sort of “dear diary” where I yap at everyone about my day (or days if it’s been awhile). There’s nothing wrong with that and I don’t want to stop. This blog has been a great way for me to keep track of the little things in my life. I could write it in a paper journal but I suck at keeping up with that. I’ll still write the “today I…” entries but I want to write more. I want to tell stories instead of just recaps. Two of my (many) favorite bloggers are incredible storytellers and every single time I read an entry they’ve posted I think to myself, “I want to write like THAT.” I want to tell stories to you.
5. Make the effort. My good friend came up with this all-encompassing resolution years ago because she isn’t fond of specific resolutions. She decided that “make the effort” was a sentiment that could be applied to a lot of things throughout the year. I can think of some things I’d especially like to apply it to – things like getting fit for health and mental health reasons, learning calm and patience, staying on top of things better – but I don’t want to bog it down with too many specifics. I’ll just go with it as is.
What are your resolutions?
And now I have two excited kids who are determined to stay up with us until midnight (Hayley for sure, Breanna, well, I’ll see if she can make it). They’re drinking 7Up in wine glasses and I’m about to pour some real red wine in my own glass. We’re going to listen to some music then hang out with Ryan Seacrest in Times Square to watch the ball drop. I hope that 2010 brings you all the best life has to offer.
See you (wait for it) next year!